Pictures

Today I went and got pictures taken of Nora and a few of her with the boys. I think they are super cute!

Birth Story

I think I will tell you my birth story. It may be slightly censored as it is near impossible to be completely vulnerable about something so intimate and personal. On Friday, I invited my sister to be part of that intimate moment. I had never even considered having anyone but my husband in there but I am so glad she was and in saying that, there is not another human on the planet I would have allowed in. It is such an intense emotional experience.

On Friday morning, I had an appointment with my midwife. She stripped my membranes at that appointment and said she thought they'd see me in the next 12 hours. My cervix was "ripe." eww. huh? Anyway, I left there and received word that my mom, dad, sister and niece would be driving down that evening. Uh-oh. What if nothing happens? Determined not to let that happen, I went grocery shopping and carted every bit of those groceries up the stairs myself. Then I started the marinara sauce for the famous "put you into labor eggplant parmigiana." And while that simmered I chased the boys around the house. Literally, I ran. My contractions were regular but very light. Since I was group B strep positive, I called the midwife when they were 5-8 minutes apart. She wanted me to come due to thestrep B. From past experience, once I hit active labor, it is quick. I was concerned I wouldn't get the antibiotic in time.

Upon arrival, I was dilated between a 4-5 but still in early labor not active labor. I really think in normal circumstances, I would have been sent home to labor but due to my needing the antibiotics and time, a plan was formed. I was going to stay and start the antibiotics. My midwife (if my contractions didn't pick up) would break my water 4 hours after the antibiotics which was midnight. My sister arrived in plenty of time. My labor did not pick up and at about 12:40 my water was broken.

It did pick up but not enough that I couldn't laugh through some contractions. The atmosphere was amazing. My nurse, midwife and sister were telling funny stories when I was in pain. It was marvelous. As the contractions picked up, I moved to the tub. Bob put on my labor mix of songs and I chilled out. It hurt but it was not unbearable. Yet.

When I hit about 7 centimeters, I was over it. I couldn't get comfortable. I moved. Twisted. Turned. Failed. My midwife Susan was amazing during this time. Whenever I seemed out of control, she brought me back. She hit pressure points on my feet. Showed bob how to apply pressure to my back and my sister rubbed my hands. I stayed at a 7 for an hour and a half. I think I was in and out of the tub. I walked around the room, sat on the toilet, leaned over the bed. An hour into 7, I believe I started begging for pain meds or death. Which ever was easier. I started to think that it was never going to end and that I was going to fail. Susan kept telling me I could do it and that I was doing a great job. Bob told me I had done it before and I could. My sister told me I was strong. My nurse said I made it look easy. (haha. Nice lie Melissa!) Susan had me lie on the bed a while with my leg propped on the tray. She rubbed my back and I moved into a state of being that was unbelievable. I don't believe the intensity slowed down, but the pain I felt subsided. I was able to breath through contractions and was in a semi- sleep state. Praise God for midwives! Susan had said she was going to give me 30 more minutes and see if I had made progress. I told myself that if I was still at a 7, the heck it, I was going to get an epidural. Lo and behold, I was an 8 at the check.

Susan made me get up and it got bad again. I moved to the shower and had Bob spray my back and belly with the sprayer. Labor is something that is a pain you've never felt. There is no escaping it. There is no moving to relieve it. It just is. Eventually, I reached what I call my animal mode. I started pacing the room. After I had Nora, Susan told me she was worried I was going to bolt. Luckily, It was not more than an hour from the time she made me get up til I was ready to push. She checked me about 5:30 and said I was 9. Since this wasn't my first horse and pony show, she could possibly stretch me the rest during a contraction. It took two contractions because I wimped out and made her stop. Now a contraction makes you want to die and a contraction with someone stretching your cervix makes you want to die and take every bloody person in the room down with you! We were ready. They started calling in the team.

I'll be honest. I was scared. terrified. I was tired and now afraid of pain. With Ollie, I pushed for 3 hours. With Dawson, 30 minutes but it really hurt. I was scared. What if I couldn't do it? What if I ripped open clear to my head and bleed to death? (I know that's not possible but you get slightly psychotic after that long in pain.) When we were ready, I pushed twice to crown. Then, she had me move on my side. My understanding is this is a good position because it opens the pelvis and also helps to minimize tearing. I pushed twice more through two contractions. I could hear my sister and bob telling me, "I can see her. I see her Autumn. Keep going. She's out! She's out!" They laid her on my chest. I had completed my third completely unmedicated birth.  I had done it. I could do it! I didn't die and here was my prize. A beautiful baby girl.

 Bob whispered, "Elenora Jade" into her tiny little ear and prayed a blessing. I looked to Jade. "Do you know her name?"

"No"

"Elenora Jade."

Her eyes and small "oooh." said it all. We had chosen well. It was a courageous name for our little one. Jade had plowed through a lot and I know this birth was something she looked forward to.

There is another picture I'd love to share but it has an awful lot of boob in it as I am nursing. For the sake of modesty, I'll keep it to myself. I wish I had gotten one with her on my chest that was a little more censored. (sigh)

Blessed to be Five!

What a blessing! My little girl, Elenora Jade is here. She is beautiful and perfect and the Lord has answered the desires of my heart. After some inkling that my labor would start last night, I invited my sister, Jade,  to come be in the delivery room. I can't tell you how much that woman means to me. She is an unbelievable blessing in my life. And it was even more incredible because we had chosen her name as Elenora's middle name although Jade did not know that yet. We keep the name secret until the end and it was even several minutes after Nora was born before Jade knew this.

I could tell Jade was amazed watching the birth. After Nora was placed on my chest Bob and I prayed over her and told her what her name was. Then we told my sister. I love the look on her face and the tears. It was such a great moment. Originally, we had planned to name our girl Elenora Anslie but my sister and I have grown increasingly close over the past several months and I have been awed by her strength and courage after the diagnosis of her youngest daughter with leukemia. I really wanted to honor her and I am so glad I could.

The Lord blessed me in so many ways. Both of my other babies were early and Dawson spent 16 days in the NICU. I was scared that would happen again. Instead, I stayed pregnant to 39 weeks 4 days. It was very difficult and I was antsy but it was a blessing. I also was worried because I was group B strep positive and you must have antibiotics for at least 4 hours to protect the baby. I got 11 hours. I was scared she would be too big. She was my easiest to push out. My boys got to come to the hospital to meet her. I never got that last time. I'm so thankful for a loving God who cares for us! 

To the one who made me a mom

Today is a very special day. It is the day, 4 years ago,  that I became a mother for the very first time. That day changes you utterly and completely. You gain a while new perspective on pretty much everything. You worry about things you didn't before. You have joy and a depth of love you couldn't imagine.  Today is my son's 4th birthday. I've had 4 wonderful years being his mother.

To the One who Made me a Mom~

Ollie,

 The day you were born was truly an amazing day. We had no idea if you would be a boy or a girl but we knew we would love you. We just never imagined the strength of that love. The moment you came out, your dad began yelling, "It's a boy! It's a boy!" You should have seen the look on his face. I had never seen him smile like that. They laid you on my chest and I looked at your sweet face. It took my breath away. Just a tiny little baby. My heart could have exploded. The funny thing about that is the love I have for you grows every single day and I love you so much more now. I didn't think that was possible. When we took you home, we had no idea what was ahead. The last four years have definitely been a journey and you have taught us so much!

You are such a smart little boy. You amaze us a regular basis with your knowledge of animals and dinosaurs, with your logic and ability to compare and draw conclusions. I love your heart. You have become so compassionate. I love how you told Dawson he could open one of your birthday presents. I love how you help Dawson up when he falls and how you offer him things to help him feel better. It brings me joy to watch you throw your head back and laugh. I love watching you do your silly dance moves with that ridiculous face you make. You've grown and changed so much. I am loving watching that growth.

I thank God for you every day my dear. I pray that you come to know him as your Lord and Savior for there is no greater desire I have for you. I know a lot of parents say that want their kids to be happy. I'm not so worried about your happiness my dear as I am your holiness. Sure happiness is great but it is fleeting. It is a passing feeling. More than that I want you to find joy. I want you to see that people do not make you happy, things do not make you happy and that everything in this life is temporary. It will not be here forever but the Lord will.

I hope one day you too become a parent. It changes your whole perspective on life. You realize that you would give up absolutely anything for your kids. Keep growing my sweet child. I don't want you to grow too fast but I'm also excited to see who you become. May the Lord give me the strength and wisdom to raise you to be a man of integrity who loves and serves Him.

Love,
Your Mom

Nursery Reveal

Last weekend, my mom and I worked on putting together the nursery. She had already finished the quilt before she came so our primary goal was to make curtains and direct Bob on where to hang things. Originally, I had thought I wanted something with cherry blossoms and hot pink but when mom and I went shopping a few months ago to look for fabric and quilt patterns, I fell in love with a quilt I saw hanging in the store. Instead of being very trendy and fun, it was very classic and sweet. Here is a close-up. I'm sorry it is not straight! The one we saw was a boys quilt and it was brown and blue. I know brown and pink has been the in thing here for a while but I decided I wanted gray and pink instead. You may not be able to tell but the walls are a light gray.

Once we had the quilt pattern, it was easier to decide what we needed and where. This old dresser was my Grandpa Ron's. It was in desperate need of some help. I decided it could double as a dresser and a changing table with the help of my Father-in- Law. He added a rail and divider for the changing pad. I sanded it and he painted it. Last night, Bob and I went and picked out the hardware. I have to say that I LOVE this piece. 

You can also see the curtains here. We went with a double rod and did full length white curtains with a valance. The fabric of the valance is also in the quilt. It was my favorite fabric so I was thrilled when we found enough to do these. Although you can't see in this picture, mom also added a strip of pink ribbon on the bottom. The full length curtains were made from 2 flat king size sheets. Clever!

A few of the smaller details include a "Jack and Jill" lamp that was my sister and mine as kids. It is so darling. We needed a new shade but that was easy enough. We also hung a framed picture of antique stockings and bonnet on the wall which belonged Bertha Stahler, my paternal great grandmother. My parents had it re-framed with a pink and gray matte. 

We were given a new crib this time by my parents. It is beautiful. The other crib was a drop side crib that had been through 4 of their grandchildren. I always thought it was neat that my sister and I's babies had all slept the same place but I am over the moon with this new crib. Hanging beside it is the diaper bag my mom gave me for my birthday made from matching fabrics of the quilt. I love it! 

So, we have a few things to add like her name but that's secret and a quote I want painted on the wall. Bob was kept pretty busy today with making big brother little sister shirts and adding hardware to the dresser. I'm excited to have my little lady love. Stay tuned! 

New Room

As the new baby approaches, we have many things to get accomplished. One of the those was to put the boys into a room together. Our rooms are really small and so we felt bunk beds would be best. Bob wanted to built them with the help of his dad. I started to get a little hyper when I was almost 34 weeks and they hadn't been started. My boys were both born at 36 weeks 6 days. I couldn't start the baby room until Dawson was moved out.

Anyway, Bob and his Dad did get them built and they are fabulous. They spent time building them while the boys and I were away to Minnesota visiting my family. Then Jim (Bob's dad) finished painting them. We moved them in on Thursday evening. While the men moved the beds, Grandma Mel and I went shopping! Thanks for the baby stuff!

 In order to try to ease the transition, we put Dawson on a mattress on the floor starting Sunday night. That gave us time to paint the room and set up the crib as well. Thanks to Nana the boys each got new bedding. Ollie picked Dinosaurs and Dawson chose construction. You would think with as excited as they were about the bedding sleeping would go well but nope. The first 3 nights were horrible.  Both boys cried and screamed for 90 minutes. Ollie is used to the door open with light in the hallway. Dawson likes the door closed with it pitch black. We realized real fast that the door must stay closed otherwise Mr Dawson runs out every 2 minutes laughing. We compromised by a closed door but the closet light on. Day 4 was a breeze. But then day 5 came and we moved in the bunk beds. The nightmare restarted. Ollie had a hard time because no one could lay with him but he has proved to be a champ and went to sleep without someone since. Also, he had gotten in the habit of getting in our bed ever night and that has stopped too. Dawson, on the other hand is currently crying. It breaks my heart but he has to learn to go to sleep on his own.

We are so thankful for the all the hard work Jim put into the beds. They are absolutely perfect and we loved them! He's quite the carpenter so they are much sturdier than anything we could have afforded to buy. We are also thankful for Nana who bought the bedding. It is quite the treat for the boys. 

Stay tuned! I'll be blogging about the nursery soon!

Love

So it seems I have been learning a lot about love lately. My Bible study is memorizing John 15:9-12 (⁹ “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. ¹⁰ If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. ¹¹ I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. ¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.) And then this morning, I read 1 Corinthians 13-- also known as the love chapter. I spent a bit of time during my prayer time focusing on asking God to help me love as he does. Then, I spent a bit of time praying for the upcoming arrival of our little lady love. 


It was during that time that a small gesture came back to me. While praying about my upcoming labor, I started to think about when I gave birth to Dawson. I remember them handing him to me and being so joyful and in love. The next several minutes proved tough though. It wasn't long before the NICU team was in my room working on him. It was when they made the decision to take him that I was touched forever. While I sat with tears streaming down my face, a young resident gently placed his hand on my ankle. I could tell he was hurting for me by the look on his face. I don't know his name but I remember his kindness. As I was praying today, I thought, "yes Lord, I see." Loving like the Lord does means that we genuinely feel for them. We see them where they are and we see what they need. Loving someone doesn't always mean a grandiose gesture. It can be a short touch and a look of sympathy. I pray that this man  has or will become a doctor and I pray that he does not lose that love for people. I pray he is a believer and I will see him in heaven one day.